DWIGHT

THANKS DWIGHT..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A SURPRISE!!! i LOVE YOU!

FUNDRAISER

My friend Polly, is a singer here in town, and does jingles and local commericals..we met when our sons were 2yrs old..and they are two days apart in age 33..yikes..she and her husband had a rock in roll band in the 70s called "SO INCLINED" as they lived at lke tahoe at Incline village..I was a cocktail waitress and she played above the bar ..so that is how we became friends forever and Justin and Beau met as little toddlers and we would get together on our days off and they let us swim at the Holiday Inn where the band played..it was so fun..and thru the years we always rekindled the boys together..well Beau's band is very famous locally here and all over Nevada..like Elko.. haha..but they are a Rock band called Audioboxx..and have agreed to do a fundraiser for me at the Atlantis Casino..where I know the owners very well and consider my family as well..and are trying to clear one of their convention rooms for a free concert with all their proceeds going to me..and a silent auction..and Miss Senior Nevada will be there gown crown and all..and Dody her business partner is writing a speech for me,,and doing a fund set up for me at a local bank for the "CAROL HARDY RECOVERY FUND"..I am speechless...please go to WWW.MYSPACE.COM/AUDIOBOXX that should bring up who they are..it will be quite a mmixture all all people..since Beau's band attracts college students and they also play at Brew Brothers pub at the Eldorado Casino too..Justin will be here as a worker bee at the event..and if anyone in the family wants to come..welcome!!!!! I should know soon if it will happen at the Atlantis..but it will happen!

AFTERNOON

OK, had treatment..and a little session with one of the support group phcologist (spelling) which I did not want to do..but got dragged into the hall to her office to see..and now I am grateful that I did..she was very openmined to me..and is willing to take a look at my alternate holistic choice and be informed of my progress..we had a nice session and I like her a lot..I thought she was going to freak on me about not taking traditional Chemo..stopped at Starbucks $$$$ and had my iced green soy latte..yum..Only to come home to a SURPRISE PACKAGE from Ellen and Dwight! Hats..baseball hats..wow!! wow!! all kinds coke a cola...Gap..Acacrombie and Fitch..I am syling now let me tell ya..between the scarfs..I don't have to fuss about what to put on my bald head anymore..what a family!!! ok back to the FOOD chanel..my hot pad in bed and Fred draped over me...later..

TUESDAY

RADIATION BLUES...last night was not a goods night sleep..they have stepped up the radiation as I have shortened it..till this thursday..makes my kidneys hurt and cannot position myslef in one spot to feel comfortable..did u ever feel like u wanted to just fall off the side of the bed to fall off and then get up to the bathroom? I did that once when I had back problems and it worked! .but I have a heating pad on it this morning, and it feels better and my meds going..so onwrard on upward! I cooked dinner last night..basil oil, lemon juice in a big wok..broccoli..capers,,goat cheese..sauteed it (spelling bear with me) garlic, cream, butter, little globs of plain yougart..cooked pasta..drained it then tossed it with the mixture..tossed it again with parmeasean cheese...Oh my GOd..Kay came over..and DOn was in hog heaven..miss cooking..so that was so fun..so hopefully when I am in Boot camp and have more energy I can cook every night..as that is my passion..cooking..and I watch the food chanel non stop..haha..ok later all

EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just received the most wonderful and zen, uplifting package in the mail..scarfs with all colors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! beautiful vibrant and fun..plus!!! a turquoise necklace, that she crafted for me, my favorite color..and I am wearing it in bed..and two books..that one is the other is all interesting things to cook and make..food noshes and suuh..I will take them into my boot camp with me..I am elated and so happy at this moment..u did it Eva..you did it...my little strong spirit and I love you so much...as i love all my family..eva, eva, eva..yes good times ahead..I dont know if we can beat Old Orchard Beach.. ha ha..ya Rich Bitches..Eva will kick yr ass..whats a martini the bartender says!!

ANOTHER CHAPTER!

Went to eye doc this am..8am..eye, ok so far..cross your fingers..still waiting for it be completely flat..then off to fry baby..where I asked for valium..need it..getting a little uptight..Dr. Tay laughed said he would be on it as well if he we me after I told him about the eye thing..then came home, and went into the back bedroom with Fred..opened the screen slider to talk to the maintenace mexican maintenace man..Ramone as he is giving me a picture of the Virgin MARY..that was his Mother's tomorrow and Fred slipped away across the golf course..well that was all I needed..as he TAKES OFF..after the golfers..like a black and white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland..so now Don and Kay were chasing him to no avail.screaming and yelling..so then thank God DOn had just got him a new name tag with his name on it and phone number..so a man caught him..called me and delivered my beloved Fred back home to his MOm!!! so this is where I am at..now eating grapes, watching the food chanel on on 10mg..valium and liking it..the only thing is inside I feel like the picture "scream" that person with we mouth open in an un earthly frozen stance with no sound coming out..this too shall pass....more maybe later..

OVER

OVER,and done...my cornea was flat..and he dilated my eye to see if we could proceed with laser..and we went to the chair and started the procedure//while holding Mary's hand. I was perfectly still and did not want to screw it up as he said if it did not work we might have to freeze it after all and I was freaking about that..it was intense pressure but not as bad as I envisioned..and he was very gentle..and would keep informing of what to expect..then at 80 percent I was almost done then laid down to get the last 20percent finished..and said FINALLY it was done, clear and repaired and I felt a sweep of elation over my body and mind..he will see me at 8am to check on me in the morning..so now Polly and I are watching the jewelry channel.. haha.and she is reheating me some petrale sole from last night..and very happy right now..by the way TO LET EVERYONE KNOW I WILL BE STARTING HOLISTIC TREATMENT ON AUGUST 7TH OFFICIALLY..AFTER my radiation is completed..on this coming thursday..NEVER EVER TO HAVE TRADITIONAL CHEMO IN MY LIFE FROM THIS DAY FORWARD..THANKS MY FAMILY..THANKS DR. HARDEEP..you lovely man..

728am

728am...sitting in bed..tookk my meds...staring into space wishing it was 10am..and I was home in bed with a patch on my eye..and it was OVER! had to try and sleep sitting up all night..but kind on fell sideways eventually! aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! bohooo!! Im a big bay, Iam a big baby!!..waah. wah!..ok got to shake..take a shower. brush my really bald head now..and get real..nice scarf Dolores bought me...nice sundress..and..St.Mary. my friend from AA will take me..ok..later...

operation postponed till 830am tomorrow

OK, went in at 10am...with St. Kay..and took 2 2mg valium..cuz I am a baby...lazer and freezing of the eye ball is not my thing right now

..so after my darling Indian young laid back very gentle doctor diliated my eye..saw that it was still not flat enough to operation on.as he would really like to spare me the freezing..and I love him for that

,,,so sent me back home as 75 percent is flat we just have to deal with getting the 25 percent resolved..so I am home sitting in bed..and I am not to do the computer anymore

..he says just watch TV..suits me fine the food channel is my passion as well as home improvement..fun for me..really..and this doctor's first name Hardeep..is coming in on his days off..wow! so happily to be running away and not having this done,

Kay and me went to $$$ Starbucks and I am having a green latte.soy cold ice tea with soy..and have my glasses back and I am now not bumping in to walls

...again, thanks for all the comments..thanks my beloved aunt Phyllis ,and of course my Aunt Margie is beloved to me as well..and plz ellen keep her informed as much as you can..

Don will be back tomorrow, thank God and my darling little Fred to get back on my bed and snuggle with me..he knows, i know that

...ok..so probably won't report back until tomrrow. and if u listen closely at 830am PST..you might hear the echos of screaming..and then relief,,,,,

love all of you...keep the support coming, prayers...meditation..my well..I will be back and healthy..beleive in me..and my holistic treatment..ok?

down the shitter

Yesterday started out as a good morning, but ended up being an exhausting, eventful day. I called my radiologist and left a message letting her know that I had decided to stop the radiation treatments. She returned my call within one minute because I also decided to stop taking the steroids. She immediately said to me, you MUST continue the radiation and the steroids or you could have a stroke or a seizure because of not completing the treatment. So she agreed to shorten the treatment by three days. I went and had my treatment yesterday as a result of the new information.
Back at home I found that I could not see out of my right eye at all. I started freaking out so I called Polly who had taken me in the morning and she rushed me to the emergency room at Reno Hospital. This was all about 2pm in the afternoon.
I was there for three hours for tests and found that I have a badly detached retina. They operated on it yesterday at. They stuck a needle in my eye and then Kay took me home.
I had to sit up all night to sleep so that it wouldn't detach more. This morning at 10am I will be going back in for the final part of the operation to and I am scared shitless, but I will be able to resume the blog after this is corrected. There will be 5 days of recovery and then I should be fine but I'm going through HELL. Thank you Leslie for writing this for me. Love to all.

GOOD MORNING FAMILYAND FRIENDS!!

OK, this morning I feel energetic..and in good spirits, and yet made another decision..i am stopping the radiation, yesterday was my last treatment. period..end of story..too many frankenstein things happening to my immune system..getting in my pick up my arm, over my heart monday..and another xray for the new treatment.then START 'boot camp" on tuesday am..for 6hrs, a day for almost a month..I am anxious to get this cootie be rid of, process going asap..they also have counseling there and a big part of it..I feel human and loved there..I am eating good..and doing the juice boogie..but right now I am being BAD..rye toast, butter, cream cheese and blueberry jam! ha! talk later...

THANKS ELLEN!

Thanks, ELLEN, she will read the blog to Mom..everyday..yea!! Ok. now that I am experiencing traditional radiation I see and feel the side effects..and this has absolutely convinced me that the alternative is the ONLY way to go..I have had and have thrush, yeast infection..sore kidneys..no energy..sweat like hell, and a new clear bubble in my right eye..I wake up everyday to a new thing..geez..anxoius to start the Boot Camp...NOW..just had a nice beet. kale..veggie juice drink..eeek....strange and weird...like drinking a cardboard smoothie..haha..Polly will be back later to make salmon and asparagas..yummy! and stay over...maybe I will write later...

THURSDAY AM

Up and at um...had a really good nites sleep last night! yea! Good attitude this morning, Thrush in my throat getting much better, have a swish and spit system going 4 times a day...ha (and no tongue kisses anyone, not even Fred!)ha..gross..but works..would someone please, keep Mom posted and read everyday about what I post here...it's an assignment for one of you, let me know who it is so I can beat them up if they don'T?..thanks..wish she had a laptop or email..but we talk constantly...she is home and in her comfort zone and that gives me peace and happiness..so Don is off to LAX for about 5 days, his son in law is going to be a newly inducted submarine Admiral in the Navy..he needs the escape..but I have lots of people around to take care of me etc..Kay the juice queen..Polly, Sharon, Marcy will be here saturday afternoon for awhile and Mary will stay sat night, and Don back sunday and go get Fido Fred back here..more later..Oh Mary my cuz and Eva..thanks for the comments, don't stop!

oh boy ELLEN wrote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! CUZ..you are reading my journal...I am sooo happy..that is what keeps me going! FEEL pretty good this afternoon..Sharon went thru my house like "merry maids on speed"..I feel clean and much more organized now..and ready for the battle! more tomorrow!! xxoo nite everyone!

9 DAYS AND COUNTING RADIATION

OK, startrek over this am...SHARON took me to it..and stayed with me last night..Kay my "juicing" neighbor came over for dinner last night..as Polly brought over a pile of home made potato salad, and baked beans, made a healthy salad and nathans hot dogs..we pigged out! I am on steriods so it all goes down..I have been craving food I have never eaten..bad bald girl! Don helped us eat,,he has been a saint,,real love baby..when the chips are down..he's a jewel right now and I am sure will always be..I am blessed with my family and freinds I can't say that enough times too them..Justin calls me every night and Sara is in touch constantly..it's exceptional...makes my heart sing! Now Sharon is helping me organize ny closet and doing laundry and we just stopped at Jamba Juice for a healthy immune smoothie! and a new movie for me tonight..and Her husband just came and got Fred until the weekend at their house on Mt Rose highway..where he can run with the rabbits,,and be free...I feel at peace with this right now he is an active dog..and needs the exercise..as he is still a pup...so..I watch the food channel, and home channel all day..besides doing things here and there..I must get organized...one day at a time...for my new cootie free life..more later..

Well today has been an interesting one..some good, some not so good. I hope someone besides Leslie and Lois and the kids are reading this! Ha!..lets get some comments going, I need this guys, a lot! Ya want to see a bald girl cry...I can't even cry in my beer anymore! geez...called my regular doc in Florida today..not good he flipped out at the mere mention of any other treatment than regular traditional chemo...really got going..like a bunch of killers..ok that was wonderful to hear...like "hang um at the pass" ok then after talking to my radiation lady, she said..'do what ya have to for yourself 'will not abandon me..my internist here wants to hear more and to see me, she is also a Hospice, I guess that is how u spell it,,doc and very caring.....I want to live to see u all again and not feel dragged down and sick that is my goal..of course to be Cootie free..of the litte buggars..screw them..ok..Sharon will be over tonight with "Tootsie" liked it want to laugh tonight....love u all my dear family..help me fight this please...

progress

I have made a decision on my treatment as of yesterday, and its alternative medicine..with renointegrative.com check it out. I have compared regular conventional treatment of highly poisonous toxins that invade your cells and kill your entire immune system in the process and then you. I have obligated myslef to the shitty radiation treatments that I am geeting until around the 7th of Aug..but want the brain lesions shrunk..and then hop right over to "boot camp" as they call it for an intense 6hr 3 or 4 week chemo program there which they do...I am at peace with this and feel more human and not an FDA victim..and if u all want to really survive in this world get the book The PH Miracle it will save your life..Hannah, Eli..I loved your words, and I love u both..Leslie..u already know...

POGONIP..pix I took Christmas day 05

MY JOURNEY,
My heart begins with this tree, it's the way I feel right now, like the frozen branches in the fog waiting for the sun to cast its early rays and take out all of the things that make it stiff and crystal.
This is how I begin with my battle until I rid myself of this poison in my body, and you will all be able to accompany me on the way if you choose to read the blog; feel free to comment, I would like that very much, and it will help me, as well as prayers and ka bookie dances or whatever you do to drive out evil. I was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer 2 weeks ago, and sadly it went into my brain..it has metastasized.into lesions..so cannot be surgically removed..so I have to be radiated..like in a star trek waiting room, for the next 12 days now, it was 15..then on Aug 13th -SIX MONTHS of Chemo...Justin shaved my head yesterday, and I am happy, as I was already starting to loose my hair and I hated that! I am into scarfs and baseball caps...and look like (cannot spell) Shinade O'Connor, but cuter! send me a scarf.. haha...ok tired now..will try and write every chance I get, and let you be the fly on the wall...need good vibes and lots and lots of uplifting support which goes unsaid for my beloved family and friends..I WILL BEAT this, because I am strong and have an awesome attitude.I promise you all that!