EXHAUSTED and in lots of pain

Using Leslie's account again..I am so sick of this shit 24/7 ..the horrific pain I am experiencing in the back of my legs and down my back spine..its ongoing and makes me drained it took me 20 minutes just to do this dam blog! I FELT like a 747 airplane with a pit crew around me all day at the clinic..heating pad on my kidneys ...one on the botttom of my shins..all hooked up with tubes..treatments..peeing with my attachmentr call him chewbaca..so I am trying to knit scarfs for the staff..etc..but when the stuff in the tube hits, I shake..ughhhh!! got to snack constantly..or u throw up..have sores on my butt..now and was told to get in a soaking tub with baking soda..butt. haha..can't get out of the tub..once I get in..and tried my new hammock yesterday afternoon fell into it like a sack of potatoes..Don couldn't get me out had to fall on the floor..and crawl to the fireplace stoop..when he was able to get me up and into bed..so now Don will come and rub me down again..and have a call to the doctor for more pain meds..cuz I am eating vicodin like cotton candy does not help at all..how can people live in constant pain..as I feel like my Dad..I guess he was such a trooper..hope I have a better report tomorrow..love u all..my dear family and friends

OFFICIAL

OFFICIAL!!! Atlantis Casino will donate their staff..and catering room, dance floor..and an outside silent auction in the hall with another Bar ..if anyone wants to help. and attend..Don's apartment is free..Sharon has a room, and so does Polly..plus I can get a casino rate at the Atlantis.if you choose..and attendance is not necessary..Justin will be here with me..but I have a comfy couch and a big living room floor for an air bed..but like I said..$$$ to get here and I do not expect it..and I don't its just an invite..u all have yr own lives...period...
Had ahi tuna tonight/pasta,avacado..and feta organic salad..and good "n" plenty's..then I start the vitimin/veggie regemin tomorrow so this was my las harah! nite

TODAY

RADIATION..tomorrow last day..yeah!Had a hour and a half psychology session at the Holistic clinic..and did a little meditating..and he explained the program a lot more to me..and how forms of stress bring cancer on..just came to the realization that I am in the most advanced stage u can get..hello!! ..well..bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I TAKE IT ON!! Had a pedi and manicure at ha ha Walmart..today..being frugal..makes me feel so good..then after ran over to the fish market and bought a lobster tail, scallops. collsal shrimp, and Ahi tuna..got home cooked jasmine rice....sauteed the rest in white wine, onions and peppers, garlic...basil olive oil..and served it on the bed of rice,,I know when I am off the steriods..I will be sane with food again..cuz I am eating rye bread, butter and cream cheese, and yogurt every morning and sharing the crust with Fred..now I am eating "good and plenty's" while I am blogging, I could eat a bowl..Mom and I are the licorice queens.....ok nite everyone!!

OVER

OVER,and done...my cornea was flat..and he dilated my eye to see if we could proceed with laser..and we went to the chair and started the procedure//while holding Mary's hand. I was perfectly still and did not want to screw it up as he said if it did not work we might have to freeze it after all and I was freaking about that..it was intense pressure but not as bad as I envisioned..and he was very gentle..and would keep informing of what to expect..then at 80 percent I was almost done then laid down to get the last 20percent finished..and said FINALLY it was done, clear and repaired and I felt a sweep of elation over my body and mind..he will see me at 8am to check on me in the morning..so now Polly and I are watching the jewelry channel.. haha.and she is reheating me some petrale sole from last night..and very happy right now..by the way TO LET EVERYONE KNOW I WILL BE STARTING HOLISTIC TREATMENT ON AUGUST 7TH OFFICIALLY..AFTER my radiation is completed..on this coming thursday..NEVER EVER TO HAVE TRADITIONAL CHEMO IN MY LIFE FROM THIS DAY FORWARD..THANKS MY FAMILY..THANKS DR. HARDEEP..you lovely man..

728am

728am...sitting in bed..tookk my meds...staring into space wishing it was 10am..and I was home in bed with a patch on my eye..and it was OVER! had to try and sleep sitting up all night..but kind on fell sideways eventually! aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! bohooo!! Im a big bay, Iam a big baby!!..waah. wah!..ok got to shake..take a shower. brush my really bald head now..and get real..nice scarf Dolores bought me...nice sundress..and..St.Mary. my friend from AA will take me..ok..later...

operation postponed till 830am tomorrow

OK, went in at 10am...with St. Kay..and took 2 2mg valium..cuz I am a baby...lazer and freezing of the eye ball is not my thing right now

..so after my darling Indian young laid back very gentle doctor diliated my eye..saw that it was still not flat enough to operation on.as he would really like to spare me the freezing..and I love him for that

,,,so sent me back home as 75 percent is flat we just have to deal with getting the 25 percent resolved..so I am home sitting in bed..and I am not to do the computer anymore

..he says just watch TV..suits me fine the food channel is my passion as well as home improvement..fun for me..really..and this doctor's first name Hardeep..is coming in on his days off..wow! so happily to be running away and not having this done,

Kay and me went to $$$ Starbucks and I am having a green latte.soy cold ice tea with soy..and have my glasses back and I am now not bumping in to walls

...again, thanks for all the comments..thanks my beloved aunt Phyllis ,and of course my Aunt Margie is beloved to me as well..and plz ellen keep her informed as much as you can..

Don will be back tomorrow, thank God and my darling little Fred to get back on my bed and snuggle with me..he knows, i know that

...ok..so probably won't report back until tomrrow. and if u listen closely at 830am PST..you might hear the echos of screaming..and then relief,,,,,

love all of you...keep the support coming, prayers...meditation..my well..I will be back and healthy..beleive in me..and my holistic treatment..ok?

down the shitter

Yesterday started out as a good morning, but ended up being an exhausting, eventful day. I called my radiologist and left a message letting her know that I had decided to stop the radiation treatments. She returned my call within one minute because I also decided to stop taking the steroids. She immediately said to me, you MUST continue the radiation and the steroids or you could have a stroke or a seizure because of not completing the treatment. So she agreed to shorten the treatment by three days. I went and had my treatment yesterday as a result of the new information.
Back at home I found that I could not see out of my right eye at all. I started freaking out so I called Polly who had taken me in the morning and she rushed me to the emergency room at Reno Hospital. This was all about 2pm in the afternoon.
I was there for three hours for tests and found that I have a badly detached retina. They operated on it yesterday at. They stuck a needle in my eye and then Kay took me home.
I had to sit up all night to sleep so that it wouldn't detach more. This morning at 10am I will be going back in for the final part of the operation to and I am scared shitless, but I will be able to resume the blog after this is corrected. There will be 5 days of recovery and then I should be fine but I'm going through HELL. Thank you Leslie for writing this for me. Love to all.

GOOD MORNING FAMILYAND FRIENDS!!

OK, this morning I feel energetic..and in good spirits, and yet made another decision..i am stopping the radiation, yesterday was my last treatment. period..end of story..too many frankenstein things happening to my immune system..getting in my pick up my arm, over my heart monday..and another xray for the new treatment.then START 'boot camp" on tuesday am..for 6hrs, a day for almost a month..I am anxious to get this cootie be rid of, process going asap..they also have counseling there and a big part of it..I feel human and loved there..I am eating good..and doing the juice boogie..but right now I am being BAD..rye toast, butter, cream cheese and blueberry jam! ha! talk later...