carol's house

The Majorette Baton has been passed...

And Justin...I will hold you to that mantra of "free, sober and strong." And believe me, if I have to come out there to smack you upside the head (known as a dope slap to some of us) I will. Ask Kerri, my daughter...I traveled from FL to CT one day because she couldn't control her mouth on the phone to me. The dorm at Central CT State was never the same after I left...So be good or Mama Dolores won't be so quiet. (You are so observant)
I love you too!
Your Mom would be so proud of you - She left us all here to be sure that you knew that even if she wasn't here to tell you.
Love ya sweetie! xoxoxo for Jake and Sarah
---- and have that AC fixed in the Benzie! Talk about HOT. OMG - Even I thought it was hot and I love the heat!

And where does Elmo fit in???

Yah, you know who you are...you Elmo lovers! And if you were in Reno this past week, then you KNOW!

Oh and the FROG...now there's a story! Ah, but we won't tell it here....will we?

I hope you all have arrived home safely and are now getting the sleep you need. There certainly was a lot of love all around and that is what kept us all going. Carol left a legacy - love your friends and family because it's all we have when you come right down to it. She shared her love with all of us and we will certainly miss her bright and shining smile, not to mention her great sense of humor. We all have great stories to tell of times spent together - this one story, this one week, has to be one that we will all hold dear to our hearts as the finest memory ever. We will miss our Carol, but she is preparing a party for us when we get there because that is what she always did!

Memorial

Hello family,


This is Sharon. Polly and I have been planning the memorial for this Saturday. Delores did a great job of sorting and labeling lots of pictures but I knew there were some missing. So today I found the MOTHERLODE of her pictures. (You know the box ((or in her case basket)) full of pictures still in envelopes we all have stashed somewhere). Well we found several good ones but then I found "IT" She even wrote comments on the back - Good photo but lighting was poor 07/02 "A Keeper" So here it is! It will be blown up and displayed beautifully on Saturday! Thought I'd share!
My Love is with all of you!
Carol would approve!
Sharon

Justin speaks

Justin called me today. We had a great talk....he has grown into a wonderful man........and son. I am so impressed with the way he has handled his mom's illness.

He wanted to thank everyone on the blog.

Please read his comment under "A sad and quiet day in Reno".

Ellen

Cape Cod and Carol

I was on vacation at the Cape during Carol's last week. Ellen kept me informed (although the wireless reception was weak and many calls were dropped). I felt miserably out of the loop; lousy phone service- no internet -etc.
One evening I took a chair and walked to the beach. The temperature had dropped so I had the ocean to myself. I thought about my Godmother Carol and how she loved the Cape...how she loved life, for that matter. She was always a larger than life character to me. Feisty, sexy, strong, loving, and looking for fun. It made me incredibly sad to think of her suffering and losing her battle with f***ing cancer. I was very grateful that Carol was surrounded by her family and friends.
I'm still struggling to process it. How can a spirit that bright be extinguished?
Thanks to all for the blog entries and calls. It helped me feel connected.
Our family is awesome.

A sad and quiet day in Reno

I spoke with Leslie and Lois last night. Yesterday was a very quiet day in Reno. Everyone is emotionally drained...as Leslie put it ---"blank".

Most are going home today. I believe Aunt June is leaving tomorrow.

As far as I know, there will be a memorial service in Reno, and then in the fall - perhaps October or November, there will be a service in Maine. Carol left some specific instructions as to what she wanted to happen. It includes lots of happy remembrances and laughter. What else did you expect?????

Leslie will be able to tell us all a lot more when she gets home and writes on the blog.

Ellen

PS. I think Fred has a home with Eva!!!

Carol is at peace

Carol has left us. She passed away at 1:30 this morning with her loved ones around her.

Leslie told me that it was very peaceful - she was smiling!

I wanted to let everyone know the news. But, I'm hoping that Leslie will be able to write more later. She was going to bed after she hung up the phone (4:15 a.m. Reno time).

I'm so happy that Carol will no longer have to be in such pain. Now it's our turn.

Ellen

Christmas Carol

this is Carol's house all dressed up for Christmas.
Carol's son Justin, and her little godson Alex, in red.
Her darling niece, Hannah, and nephew, Eli
....and her grandson Jake, her heart's joy.

hello from Carol's house. Carol has been slowly slipping away from us. She has had two very peaceful days with no agitation, no pain.
She isn't taking food and isn't drinking water, just little sips from a special sponge. We are keeping things very calm and quiet. Carol is never alone. Someone is always holding her hand. She can't speak much now. Her only words have been " I love you". We are hoping that this will be done soon. Please pray for her release. Love you all- leslie

VIGIL

Hi everybody,

Aunt Phyllis just called to update me on what's been going on today. Hospice nurses have been in and told everyone that the time is getting close.

They said to make sure that Carol is well medicated, because when she is agitated, that means that she's in pain but can't express it, and that's the worst thing.

Aunt Phyl raved about these hospice nurses. They've been through this process many, many times and can counsel the family and tell them what to expect. They sound wonderful.

The hospice nurses are not allowed to give meds, however, so even if they are with Carol throughout the night, family and friends must still administer the morphine. I guess paid registered nurses that are hired for private duty can administer drugs. Aunt Phyl said to hire 24/7 care costs $2000 dollars a week!

Keep praying for Carol and that her suffering will end soon. It's so hard to let her go, but we must.

Love,
Ellen

PS. Anyone, sending $$$, please do it....there's a real sense of urgency I get from speaking to people on the frontline. Mail to Carol's house, checks made out to June Grocki. Thanks so much!

The latest from Reno

Today I've spoken with both Justin and Leslie. Carol is much calmer today. Justin says they've gotten a good system of keeping her medications regulated. She's on a rotating schedule of morphine, Dilaudid and Valium. If not given at regular intervals, the pain gets out of control. The sad part is that when the meds wear off, Carol is lucid, but then the pain is too much to bear. It's just not worth it.

Carol will remain at home and be cared for there. Until Monday, Justin and "staff" will take turns staying with her through the night. Starting Monday, a nurse will be on duty in two shifts: 1 - 5 p.m. and 10 p.m. - 8 a.m. Justin has taken time out of work (without pay) to be with his mother. The family would really like Justin to stay on, without jeopardizing his finances.

This brings me to money matters. The fundraiser on August 31st is off. However, anyone who planned on sending Carol money, PLEASE still do. The nurses are costing $240 per day. This is not covered by her medical insurance, get this, because it hasn't been 3 months since her diagnosis!!!! Also, any money raised will go toward helping offset Justin's expenses, and will enable him to stay and care for his mom.

Any cards already sent to me, I will forward to Reno. Any cards you send in the future, send directly to Carol's house and make the checks out to: June Grocki.

Carol's address is:
Carol Hardy
1907 Villa Way South
Reno, NV 89509

Thanks so much,
Ellen

Our Girl Carol

Well I'm sitting in the living room of Carol's condo in Reno. How I wish I was here under happier circumstances. Her house is so her, charming, filled with interesting objects from all of her travels, loaded with photographs of family and friends, great art work, plants, wind chimes and twinkly lights on her courtyard walls and back porch. This is a house with a kitchen that is fully stocked, ready for the kind of spur of the moment parties Carol is known to throw.

It just seems cruel that this house filled to bursting with family and friends isn't the site of a spectacular party, but rather a last good-bye.

The difference between today and yesterday in Carol is marked. She has had a much quieter day, few if any complaints of pain. Yesterday was a day of arrivals and integrating all who arrived here. Today, as we have become more settled, she has settled. She has been so grateful that we are all here. It was definitely the right thing to do.

Today she has been barely conscious. She begins a thought, but can't complete the sentence. She has spent most of her day drifting in and out of sleep. When she does speak, it is often hard to understand and she can only say one or two words at a time, still she manages to try and joke with her one-two word capability. Her mood is rather somber over all, not sad, just quiet and composed. She told us that she isn't scared to die, she just isn't ready to go this soon. We sure aren't ready for her to go either.

Her doctors predicted that she would pass anywhere within 7-10 days when she left the hospital on Tuesday night. She can't sit up in bed by herself, can't walk, can't hold herself up. The speed with which this has gone on has been baffling. Carol won't want to live like this for long. We are all telling her that it is ok to go. This has all happened so fast.

Her agitation last night had to do with wanting to get up, wanting to rip out her catheter, wanting to get up and live and realizing that she couldn't. She is not fully cognizant of all that is going on any more.

Justin, her son has been taking charge of everything, all of the meds that she needs to take. he has barely left her side even to sleep. He has been amazing. Our hearts are breaking for him. He is an only child and he is losing his vibrant and very young mother.

I am getting very tired but I want to say that the outpouring of support in the form of cards, flowers, food, money, hotel rooms, airline tickets, hours of devotion and service, prayers has been just amazing. It is a genuine testament to the love and time Carol has put in to her friends and family.

In a moment of lucidity this morning Carol asked me to listen carefully to her, and then she told me that what she knows is that the ONLY thing that is important in life are our relationships with one another, and building self-esteem in each other. Her life sure is a testament to that. She managed to keep up with more people than I think any of us ever imagined. We are coming out of the woodwork to say our good-byes. Simply amazing....quite a girl, our Carol.

More tomorrow- love, leslie

Coming out to Reno

Hi everyone,
I will be coming out to Reno arriving at 8:30 tomorrow (Friday) evening. I will see you all then, and in the meantime am sending all the good vibes and energy I can. So much Love,

Eva

News as of this afternoon

I just got off the phone with Aunt Phyllis.

There's a meeting going on with family members at this very minute to decide what's best for Carol. She needs care around the clock. Aunt Phyllis says it's very difficult for lay people to tend to her needs. Leslie stayed with Carol through the night, but couldn't give her the kind of care she requires.

They're discussing putting Carol in a hospice facility, where there is a professional staff that has expertise in dealing with critically ill patients.

She is still in a lot of pain, despite all of the meds she is taking.

Such hard decisions, but important ones to give Carol the very best care available.

All of this has happened so quickly, it's difficult to wrap your head around it. Let's pray that the doctors can find a way to alleviate her pain so she won't have to suffer like this.

Ellen

Update from the Home Front

In an effort to disseminate information, I'll try to fill you all in on what's going on in Reno.....as best I can!

Today I've spoken with Aunt Phyllis and Aunt June.

Aunt Phyl filled me in on what happened today at Carol's house. She is in bed and comfortable, but quite dopey and sleeps a lot. When she is awake, though, she is in full command!!! She called everyone into her room and said, "Let's have a meeting". She went on to grill everyone to determine where everyone's staying and how the accommodations are, etc.....isn't that soooo CAROL? How cute she is!

Aunt June broke down when she arrived, but has rallied and sounds emotionally strong. Lois is arriving tonight, so Carol will have her family and friends all around her. It sounds like a bunch of people are there.... lots of chatter and commotion in the background. I could hear Fred barking, too! Exactly how it should be.

For those of us who can't be in Reno: If you feel a bit of guilt, like I do.......try not to. After speaking to my aunts, I realize that things are unfolding just the way they should.

Keep strong for Carol.

Love,
Ellen

what to do?

It's hard to say. We all want to do the best thing. We are all in shock and there have been many phone conversations since we all got this unexpected news this morning. Carol was cooking up a storm just last week, sounding perky and confident, and eating good-n-plenty's. This all has happened so fast.

I have spoken with Don and he reported that we should definitely come out in spite of Aunt June's wishes for people to stay put. We love and respect Aunt June and her wishes and want to do the right thing. However Don told me, and then he called my mother, and told her, that Carol needs as many people right now as can come out. He said that Carol wants to see us, that she could die at any time, and that she wants her family with her at this time, which makes sense knowing Carol. She is, after all, all about family.

When I spoke to Don, he was out of Carol's room at the hospital so that he could use his cell phone. While we were talking, Justin came to tell Don that Carol wanted him to come back to the room because she was scared. Her lungs are filling up with fluid, but she is comfortable and her pain is being managed. She will be leaving the hospital today and going home where the room is being set up to better accomodate her needs. Hospice will be coming in to her home.

I am hoping that Aunt June will be comforted by our presence. We will be there to be of service, not to create commotion. Even if we are just sitting quietly outside Carol's bedroom, I know that Carol will be comforted by having people who love her close by. I am so grateful that Don is giving us clear direction, directly from Carol.

It looks as though my mother and I will be leaving to go there tomorrow. She is checking into getting airline tickets and I'm waiting to hear from her. more soon- love, leslie

DEVASTATING NEWS

Hi everyone,

I am terribly sorry to have to tell you such heartbreaking news. Carol is gravely ill. The cancer has spread. That's why she's been in such searing pain.

She is being released from the hospital and will be cared for at home. Aunt June is flying to Reno tomorrow to be with her, and I believe Lois and Delores are arriving soon after.

After I hung up the phone from Aunt June's call, I thought about getting a flight to Reno myself. But then I spoke with Aunt Phyllis and she told me that Aunt June is adamant that we all stay put. She feels that there will be too many people and too much confusion if a bunch of us try to go out there.

It is so surreal to be writing these words about my wonderful cousin. Carol.....a person who loves life more than most, who spends every day charging forward with such enthusiasm and zest. Is this a bad dream? Please, please, wake me up.

What do you all think we should do...send her cards with messages of love? I just don't know!! Please share your thoughts with me.

Love,
Ellen

A Fashionable Smile!

She continues to smile...my best friend of 50 years, my "sister" -
This is the last photo that I took of her two weeks ago. She sent Justin and me
out to get her some fancy scarves after he shaved her head. Only Carol could
make a fashion statement with this!
This is a hard time for all the family and friends, of which she
has many. Carol is so lucky to have
such a loving family. Thanks Leslie, for getting me back "on" again!

our smiling Carol