G.I. Jane at Boot Camp (the amulet around my neck containing my father's ashes are my dog tags)

This is Carol writing, through Leslie, because I still can't get onto the darn blog. I don't know what is happening with that, but I do know that the blog is my lifeline and when I can't get on it panics me. Leslie is going to re-invite me. I guess I'm going to have to start all over again, with the registration and everything. I can't figure out why I can't get on.

So, yesterday was my first day at boot camp, my first round of holistic treatments at Reno Integrative Center. I am there at 8:30 every morning , until 2:30 in the afternoon for a variety of treatments.

They gave me a choice between the quiet room and the loud room and you can guess which one I chose, the "loud room"...(leslie's interjection- "you party girl, you"). I sat next to a beautiful saltwater fish tank and named all of the fish in the tank after my dear family and friends. So there all of you are, swimming around, looking at me. I brought 3 movies with me and my lunch.

I recieved various treatments throughout the day. The "oxygen push", also called the "fat lady sitting on your chest" is done through an IV in my arm. It acts to oxygenate the blood and flushes out the bad toxins. It makes your chest feel very asthmatic. I did it 3 times and afterwards they told me that most people can only do it once.

I talked to the doctor for an hour. Together we looked at a sample of my blood which he analyzed with me. He said the blood cells look very good and that I have a lot of "polly's" (probably not the right spelling....but it makes me think of my dear Polly) running around inside my blood stream. They act and move like little pac-men, but they look like beautiful little crystals of light. They are performing the important task of eating the bacteria off of the cells and are doing a very good job of it according to the doctor.

Because of the elimination process that these treatments are facilitating I was warned that I might experience some emotional pain, depression, but when I left the center yesterday I felt wonderful.

I went to Trader Joes and bought more expensive groceries, and I treated my normally frugal self to a set of beautiful, heavy metal pans. I will be cooking fabulous meals when I am well, (organic).

I went home and continued to feel good, but then without warning, at night I went into a devastating, nightmarish tailspin and found myself in the depths of despair from which I could find no way out. I wanted to write on the blog, BUT I COULDN'T LOG ON!!!! Nothing worked. I was in total despair through the night and into the morning. I woke up in excruciating pain, in my legs especially, and could barely get out of my bed. I have new found compassion for the pain of people who are ill.

I was expecting emotional pain but I was not prepared for the extent and depth of it. I cried and cried and cried, which I don't like to do. It isn't like me. I do feel better though, now, as I start my day and prepare to go back. Don is going to help me by massaging my legs to help relieve the pain.

I am going back in today for more. I love you all. I was so happy to see that you wrote, Lynne. Thank you SO much. I am very much looking forward to the care package that you are sending. Thank you too, Aunt Phyllis. Loved hearing from you. I think of you as a big sister too, as well as an aunt. Thank you Phyllis. Thank you Ellen. Thank you Dolores. Thank you Liz, for all the latest comments. It means so much to me to read what you write to me. It is my lifeline right now.

I feel so blessed by all of the love and care in my life. I love you all deeply. Hi Mom! I'll see all of you today in the fish tank, -love, Carol