Today

Hello everyone,

This is Sharon. Today was the Memorial for our Carol. The place was just beautiful and we had wonderful pictures of Carol displayed pretty much everywhere. Don spoke first and recollected his 10 years of knowing Carol and some of the adventures they had travelling. He noted how beautiful St. Lucia was and that he thought it looked like the Gateway to Heaven. Then Barbara read a nice poem. Justin then spoke of how life with his mom was pretty much an adventure all of the time and gave us some very colorful stories of his youth. Like when Carol dressed him up in lederhosen for his 1st day of school in a new city, and how she put him in acting classes because she thought he would be the next "Tom Cruise" He had everyone laughing and really held up very well. We all know how much he will miss his awesome mom and how great their relationship was. I then stood up and at 1st apologized for not preparing a Grand Speech as Carol would be upset. But I found a wonderful poem that really sounded like Carol had written it. I will try to get copies to all that want them. Marcy then told some wonderful tales of the nearly 20 years of life with Carol, and how she was the best suitcase packer she had ever seen (even though it took 3 people to lift) and how she ALWAYS brought gifts back for everyone! I know - I have lots! It was a very nice service and there were plenty of friends giving Justin lots of hugs and support. I decided this picture would 1st make everyone laugh rather than cry, and remember how much she loved holidays, halloween included. Love you all!!!!
Sharon

carol's

carol's house

The Majorette Baton has been passed...

And Justin...I will hold you to that mantra of "free, sober and strong." And believe me, if I have to come out there to smack you upside the head (known as a dope slap to some of us) I will. Ask Kerri, my daughter...I traveled from FL to CT one day because she couldn't control her mouth on the phone to me. The dorm at Central CT State was never the same after I left...So be good or Mama Dolores won't be so quiet. (You are so observant)
I love you too!
Your Mom would be so proud of you - She left us all here to be sure that you knew that even if she wasn't here to tell you.
Love ya sweetie! xoxoxo for Jake and Sarah
---- and have that AC fixed in the Benzie! Talk about HOT. OMG - Even I thought it was hot and I love the heat!

And where does Elmo fit in???

Yah, you know who you are...you Elmo lovers! And if you were in Reno this past week, then you KNOW!

Oh and the FROG...now there's a story! Ah, but we won't tell it here....will we?

I hope you all have arrived home safely and are now getting the sleep you need. There certainly was a lot of love all around and that is what kept us all going. Carol left a legacy - love your friends and family because it's all we have when you come right down to it. She shared her love with all of us and we will certainly miss her bright and shining smile, not to mention her great sense of humor. We all have great stories to tell of times spent together - this one story, this one week, has to be one that we will all hold dear to our hearts as the finest memory ever. We will miss our Carol, but she is preparing a party for us when we get there because that is what she always did!

Memorial

Hello family,


This is Sharon. Polly and I have been planning the memorial for this Saturday. Delores did a great job of sorting and labeling lots of pictures but I knew there were some missing. So today I found the MOTHERLODE of her pictures. (You know the box ((or in her case basket)) full of pictures still in envelopes we all have stashed somewhere). Well we found several good ones but then I found "IT" She even wrote comments on the back - Good photo but lighting was poor 07/02 "A Keeper" So here it is! It will be blown up and displayed beautifully on Saturday! Thought I'd share!
My Love is with all of you!
Carol would approve!
Sharon

Justin speaks

Justin called me today. We had a great talk....he has grown into a wonderful man........and son. I am so impressed with the way he has handled his mom's illness.

He wanted to thank everyone on the blog.

Please read his comment under "A sad and quiet day in Reno".

Ellen

Cape Cod and Carol

I was on vacation at the Cape during Carol's last week. Ellen kept me informed (although the wireless reception was weak and many calls were dropped). I felt miserably out of the loop; lousy phone service- no internet -etc.
One evening I took a chair and walked to the beach. The temperature had dropped so I had the ocean to myself. I thought about my Godmother Carol and how she loved the Cape...how she loved life, for that matter. She was always a larger than life character to me. Feisty, sexy, strong, loving, and looking for fun. It made me incredibly sad to think of her suffering and losing her battle with f***ing cancer. I was very grateful that Carol was surrounded by her family and friends.
I'm still struggling to process it. How can a spirit that bright be extinguished?
Thanks to all for the blog entries and calls. It helped me feel connected.
Our family is awesome.

A sad and quiet day in Reno

I spoke with Leslie and Lois last night. Yesterday was a very quiet day in Reno. Everyone is emotionally drained...as Leslie put it ---"blank".

Most are going home today. I believe Aunt June is leaving tomorrow.

As far as I know, there will be a memorial service in Reno, and then in the fall - perhaps October or November, there will be a service in Maine. Carol left some specific instructions as to what she wanted to happen. It includes lots of happy remembrances and laughter. What else did you expect?????

Leslie will be able to tell us all a lot more when she gets home and writes on the blog.

Ellen

PS. I think Fred has a home with Eva!!!

Carol is at peace

Carol has left us. She passed away at 1:30 this morning with her loved ones around her.

Leslie told me that it was very peaceful - she was smiling!

I wanted to let everyone know the news. But, I'm hoping that Leslie will be able to write more later. She was going to bed after she hung up the phone (4:15 a.m. Reno time).

I'm so happy that Carol will no longer have to be in such pain. Now it's our turn.

Ellen

Christmas Carol

this is Carol's house all dressed up for Christmas.
Carol's son Justin, and her little godson Alex, in red.
Her darling niece, Hannah, and nephew, Eli
....and her grandson Jake, her heart's joy.

hello from Carol's house. Carol has been slowly slipping away from us. She has had two very peaceful days with no agitation, no pain.
She isn't taking food and isn't drinking water, just little sips from a special sponge. We are keeping things very calm and quiet. Carol is never alone. Someone is always holding her hand. She can't speak much now. Her only words have been " I love you". We are hoping that this will be done soon. Please pray for her release. Love you all- leslie

VIGIL

Hi everybody,

Aunt Phyllis just called to update me on what's been going on today. Hospice nurses have been in and told everyone that the time is getting close.

They said to make sure that Carol is well medicated, because when she is agitated, that means that she's in pain but can't express it, and that's the worst thing.

Aunt Phyl raved about these hospice nurses. They've been through this process many, many times and can counsel the family and tell them what to expect. They sound wonderful.

The hospice nurses are not allowed to give meds, however, so even if they are with Carol throughout the night, family and friends must still administer the morphine. I guess paid registered nurses that are hired for private duty can administer drugs. Aunt Phyl said to hire 24/7 care costs $2000 dollars a week!

Keep praying for Carol and that her suffering will end soon. It's so hard to let her go, but we must.

Love,
Ellen

PS. Anyone, sending $$$, please do it....there's a real sense of urgency I get from speaking to people on the frontline. Mail to Carol's house, checks made out to June Grocki. Thanks so much!

The latest from Reno

Today I've spoken with both Justin and Leslie. Carol is much calmer today. Justin says they've gotten a good system of keeping her medications regulated. She's on a rotating schedule of morphine, Dilaudid and Valium. If not given at regular intervals, the pain gets out of control. The sad part is that when the meds wear off, Carol is lucid, but then the pain is too much to bear. It's just not worth it.

Carol will remain at home and be cared for there. Until Monday, Justin and "staff" will take turns staying with her through the night. Starting Monday, a nurse will be on duty in two shifts: 1 - 5 p.m. and 10 p.m. - 8 a.m. Justin has taken time out of work (without pay) to be with his mother. The family would really like Justin to stay on, without jeopardizing his finances.

This brings me to money matters. The fundraiser on August 31st is off. However, anyone who planned on sending Carol money, PLEASE still do. The nurses are costing $240 per day. This is not covered by her medical insurance, get this, because it hasn't been 3 months since her diagnosis!!!! Also, any money raised will go toward helping offset Justin's expenses, and will enable him to stay and care for his mom.

Any cards already sent to me, I will forward to Reno. Any cards you send in the future, send directly to Carol's house and make the checks out to: June Grocki.

Carol's address is:
Carol Hardy
1907 Villa Way South
Reno, NV 89509

Thanks so much,
Ellen

Our Girl Carol

Well I'm sitting in the living room of Carol's condo in Reno. How I wish I was here under happier circumstances. Her house is so her, charming, filled with interesting objects from all of her travels, loaded with photographs of family and friends, great art work, plants, wind chimes and twinkly lights on her courtyard walls and back porch. This is a house with a kitchen that is fully stocked, ready for the kind of spur of the moment parties Carol is known to throw.

It just seems cruel that this house filled to bursting with family and friends isn't the site of a spectacular party, but rather a last good-bye.

The difference between today and yesterday in Carol is marked. She has had a much quieter day, few if any complaints of pain. Yesterday was a day of arrivals and integrating all who arrived here. Today, as we have become more settled, she has settled. She has been so grateful that we are all here. It was definitely the right thing to do.

Today she has been barely conscious. She begins a thought, but can't complete the sentence. She has spent most of her day drifting in and out of sleep. When she does speak, it is often hard to understand and she can only say one or two words at a time, still she manages to try and joke with her one-two word capability. Her mood is rather somber over all, not sad, just quiet and composed. She told us that she isn't scared to die, she just isn't ready to go this soon. We sure aren't ready for her to go either.

Her doctors predicted that she would pass anywhere within 7-10 days when she left the hospital on Tuesday night. She can't sit up in bed by herself, can't walk, can't hold herself up. The speed with which this has gone on has been baffling. Carol won't want to live like this for long. We are all telling her that it is ok to go. This has all happened so fast.

Her agitation last night had to do with wanting to get up, wanting to rip out her catheter, wanting to get up and live and realizing that she couldn't. She is not fully cognizant of all that is going on any more.

Justin, her son has been taking charge of everything, all of the meds that she needs to take. he has barely left her side even to sleep. He has been amazing. Our hearts are breaking for him. He is an only child and he is losing his vibrant and very young mother.

I am getting very tired but I want to say that the outpouring of support in the form of cards, flowers, food, money, hotel rooms, airline tickets, hours of devotion and service, prayers has been just amazing. It is a genuine testament to the love and time Carol has put in to her friends and family.

In a moment of lucidity this morning Carol asked me to listen carefully to her, and then she told me that what she knows is that the ONLY thing that is important in life are our relationships with one another, and building self-esteem in each other. Her life sure is a testament to that. She managed to keep up with more people than I think any of us ever imagined. We are coming out of the woodwork to say our good-byes. Simply amazing....quite a girl, our Carol.

More tomorrow- love, leslie

Coming out to Reno

Hi everyone,
I will be coming out to Reno arriving at 8:30 tomorrow (Friday) evening. I will see you all then, and in the meantime am sending all the good vibes and energy I can. So much Love,

Eva

News as of this afternoon

I just got off the phone with Aunt Phyllis.

There's a meeting going on with family members at this very minute to decide what's best for Carol. She needs care around the clock. Aunt Phyllis says it's very difficult for lay people to tend to her needs. Leslie stayed with Carol through the night, but couldn't give her the kind of care she requires.

They're discussing putting Carol in a hospice facility, where there is a professional staff that has expertise in dealing with critically ill patients.

She is still in a lot of pain, despite all of the meds she is taking.

Such hard decisions, but important ones to give Carol the very best care available.

All of this has happened so quickly, it's difficult to wrap your head around it. Let's pray that the doctors can find a way to alleviate her pain so she won't have to suffer like this.

Ellen

Update from the Home Front

In an effort to disseminate information, I'll try to fill you all in on what's going on in Reno.....as best I can!

Today I've spoken with Aunt Phyllis and Aunt June.

Aunt Phyl filled me in on what happened today at Carol's house. She is in bed and comfortable, but quite dopey and sleeps a lot. When she is awake, though, she is in full command!!! She called everyone into her room and said, "Let's have a meeting". She went on to grill everyone to determine where everyone's staying and how the accommodations are, etc.....isn't that soooo CAROL? How cute she is!

Aunt June broke down when she arrived, but has rallied and sounds emotionally strong. Lois is arriving tonight, so Carol will have her family and friends all around her. It sounds like a bunch of people are there.... lots of chatter and commotion in the background. I could hear Fred barking, too! Exactly how it should be.

For those of us who can't be in Reno: If you feel a bit of guilt, like I do.......try not to. After speaking to my aunts, I realize that things are unfolding just the way they should.

Keep strong for Carol.

Love,
Ellen

what to do?

It's hard to say. We all want to do the best thing. We are all in shock and there have been many phone conversations since we all got this unexpected news this morning. Carol was cooking up a storm just last week, sounding perky and confident, and eating good-n-plenty's. This all has happened so fast.

I have spoken with Don and he reported that we should definitely come out in spite of Aunt June's wishes for people to stay put. We love and respect Aunt June and her wishes and want to do the right thing. However Don told me, and then he called my mother, and told her, that Carol needs as many people right now as can come out. He said that Carol wants to see us, that she could die at any time, and that she wants her family with her at this time, which makes sense knowing Carol. She is, after all, all about family.

When I spoke to Don, he was out of Carol's room at the hospital so that he could use his cell phone. While we were talking, Justin came to tell Don that Carol wanted him to come back to the room because she was scared. Her lungs are filling up with fluid, but she is comfortable and her pain is being managed. She will be leaving the hospital today and going home where the room is being set up to better accomodate her needs. Hospice will be coming in to her home.

I am hoping that Aunt June will be comforted by our presence. We will be there to be of service, not to create commotion. Even if we are just sitting quietly outside Carol's bedroom, I know that Carol will be comforted by having people who love her close by. I am so grateful that Don is giving us clear direction, directly from Carol.

It looks as though my mother and I will be leaving to go there tomorrow. She is checking into getting airline tickets and I'm waiting to hear from her. more soon- love, leslie

DEVASTATING NEWS

Hi everyone,

I am terribly sorry to have to tell you such heartbreaking news. Carol is gravely ill. The cancer has spread. That's why she's been in such searing pain.

She is being released from the hospital and will be cared for at home. Aunt June is flying to Reno tomorrow to be with her, and I believe Lois and Delores are arriving soon after.

After I hung up the phone from Aunt June's call, I thought about getting a flight to Reno myself. But then I spoke with Aunt Phyllis and she told me that Aunt June is adamant that we all stay put. She feels that there will be too many people and too much confusion if a bunch of us try to go out there.

It is so surreal to be writing these words about my wonderful cousin. Carol.....a person who loves life more than most, who spends every day charging forward with such enthusiasm and zest. Is this a bad dream? Please, please, wake me up.

What do you all think we should do...send her cards with messages of love? I just don't know!! Please share your thoughts with me.

Love,
Ellen

A Fashionable Smile!

She continues to smile...my best friend of 50 years, my "sister" -
This is the last photo that I took of her two weeks ago. She sent Justin and me
out to get her some fancy scarves after he shaved her head. Only Carol could
make a fashion statement with this!
This is a hard time for all the family and friends, of which she
has many. Carol is so lucky to have
such a loving family. Thanks Leslie, for getting me back "on" again!

our smiling Carol

New Update

I talked to Aunt June tonight - (6:45 EDT). She spoke to Carol in the hospital today. Carol told her NOT to come to Reno...to wait until tests have been done to see what's going on. (Aunt June was ready to make flight arrangements today.)

Carol has been in intractable pain the last few days and she may also have a bowel obstruction. Her stomach is very distended and she is in a lot of pain from that, as well. That will have to be further investigated.

She seems to be more comfortable now that she's in the hospital. Just the fact that she was able to speak to her mom on the phone is a big improvement from last night. She is on IV pain meds, of course.

I'm sorry I don't know which hospital she's in or how long she'll be there. I'm just grateful that she's there. The tests will get to the root cause of the problems, but most importantly they'll be able to manage her pain.

I got Don's cell# from Aunt June and gave it to Leslie. (Don, we may have to call you from time to time for info. Thanks!)

Leslie and I will try to keep everyone updated. As soon as we hear any news, we'll post it.

Love you all,
Ellen

New Update

Please have Don call us. (Update below).

Hi Sharon, Polly, Kay, Don. Can you have Don call either Ellen or me. I'm not sure if Ellen wants her phone number broadcast on the world wide web, so until I know for sure about that I won't give her number here. My number is 734-657-7734. We'd like to keep everyone updated a couple of times a day and Ellen and I are willing to do it. I'll get Ellen the numbers that she needs. We don't have any of your numbers and we would love to have them if you don't mind. Any information that you can post would be helpful too. We're all worried sick

Update on Carol

Just spoke with Aunt June. Carol is in the hospital.

As you know, she has been in excruciating pain for a number of days now. Don stayed with her last night, and this morning she couldn't even lift her leg off the bed, the pain was so great. He called her holistic doctor and he said to get her to the hospital. Rescue came and she's in the emergency room now.

Aunt June said she would call me tonight to give me an update.

All of our positive energy and prayers are needed now!

Ellen

SATURDAY..blog time from CAROL

very exhausted..will write later..EVA YOU are mystical and capture your heart in the moment..and inspiration..for me..and I LOVE..YOU!!!!- carol

I saw this rainbow the other day as I was riding up the New Hampshire coast. I immediately pulled over and took this picture. I have been thinking of modern miracles, and truly believe in them, and believe in the healing power of love. Our family has so much love, and we all love you so much Carol. You would have appreciated this, as you seem to be able to see the joy in any experience. All the love, charm, energy and liveliness you have brought us must regenerate to you. I love you Carol and hope that the love we send you is present in your mind as you go through this time. You are in my prayers and thoughts every moment.

Love, Eva

new post

ok will write later.posted and it did tske..I am tired now and will rest Carol

EXHAUSTED and in lots of pain

Using Leslie's account again..I am so sick of this shit 24/7 ..the horrific pain I am experiencing in the back of my legs and down my back spine..its ongoing and makes me drained it took me 20 minutes just to do this dam blog! I FELT like a 747 airplane with a pit crew around me all day at the clinic..heating pad on my kidneys ...one on the botttom of my shins..all hooked up with tubes..treatments..peeing with my attachmentr call him chewbaca..so I am trying to knit scarfs for the staff..etc..but when the stuff in the tube hits, I shake..ughhhh!! got to snack constantly..or u throw up..have sores on my butt..now and was told to get in a soaking tub with baking soda..butt. haha..can't get out of the tub..once I get in..and tried my new hammock yesterday afternoon fell into it like a sack of potatoes..Don couldn't get me out had to fall on the floor..and crawl to the fireplace stoop..when he was able to get me up and into bed..so now Don will come and rub me down again..and have a call to the doctor for more pain meds..cuz I am eating vicodin like cotton candy does not help at all..how can people live in constant pain..as I feel like my Dad..I guess he was such a trooper..hope I have a better report tomorrow..love u all..my dear family and friends

looking for Carol

Hi, this is Leslie. I have gotten so used to looking for Carol's check-ins and when I didn't find one this morning I missed her terribly. Maybe others of us feel the same way. I called her and maybe others spoke personally to her this morning too. She didn't ask me to do this, but I wanted to report about what kind of day she had yesterday and about her morning. We didn't talk long, so there isn't a lot to report, just the basics. She is going to try to write later on this afternoon or evening.
Yesterday was another tough day for her and once again this morning she woke up in pain and Don had to massage her into action, into being able to leave her bed to get up and go to the center for more boot camp.
She has a dear friend coming from San Fransisco for the weekend and she's looking forward to that.....that's about it. She'll write later and maybe others have more news to share- love you all, leslie

G.I. Jane at Boot Camp (the amulet around my neck containing my father's ashes are my dog tags)

This is Carol writing, through Leslie, because I still can't get onto the darn blog. I don't know what is happening with that, but I do know that the blog is my lifeline and when I can't get on it panics me. Leslie is going to re-invite me. I guess I'm going to have to start all over again, with the registration and everything. I can't figure out why I can't get on.

So, yesterday was my first day at boot camp, my first round of holistic treatments at Reno Integrative Center. I am there at 8:30 every morning , until 2:30 in the afternoon for a variety of treatments.

They gave me a choice between the quiet room and the loud room and you can guess which one I chose, the "loud room"...(leslie's interjection- "you party girl, you"). I sat next to a beautiful saltwater fish tank and named all of the fish in the tank after my dear family and friends. So there all of you are, swimming around, looking at me. I brought 3 movies with me and my lunch.

I recieved various treatments throughout the day. The "oxygen push", also called the "fat lady sitting on your chest" is done through an IV in my arm. It acts to oxygenate the blood and flushes out the bad toxins. It makes your chest feel very asthmatic. I did it 3 times and afterwards they told me that most people can only do it once.

I talked to the doctor for an hour. Together we looked at a sample of my blood which he analyzed with me. He said the blood cells look very good and that I have a lot of "polly's" (probably not the right spelling....but it makes me think of my dear Polly) running around inside my blood stream. They act and move like little pac-men, but they look like beautiful little crystals of light. They are performing the important task of eating the bacteria off of the cells and are doing a very good job of it according to the doctor.

Because of the elimination process that these treatments are facilitating I was warned that I might experience some emotional pain, depression, but when I left the center yesterday I felt wonderful.

I went to Trader Joes and bought more expensive groceries, and I treated my normally frugal self to a set of beautiful, heavy metal pans. I will be cooking fabulous meals when I am well, (organic).

I went home and continued to feel good, but then without warning, at night I went into a devastating, nightmarish tailspin and found myself in the depths of despair from which I could find no way out. I wanted to write on the blog, BUT I COULDN'T LOG ON!!!! Nothing worked. I was in total despair through the night and into the morning. I woke up in excruciating pain, in my legs especially, and could barely get out of my bed. I have new found compassion for the pain of people who are ill.

I was expecting emotional pain but I was not prepared for the extent and depth of it. I cried and cried and cried, which I don't like to do. It isn't like me. I do feel better though, now, as I start my day and prepare to go back. Don is going to help me by massaging my legs to help relieve the pain.

I am going back in today for more. I love you all. I was so happy to see that you wrote, Lynne. Thank you SO much. I am very much looking forward to the care package that you are sending. Thank you too, Aunt Phyllis. Loved hearing from you. I think of you as a big sister too, as well as an aunt. Thank you Phyllis. Thank you Ellen. Thank you Dolores. Thank you Liz, for all the latest comments. It means so much to me to read what you write to me. It is my lifeline right now.

I feel so blessed by all of the love and care in my life. I love you all deeply. Hi Mom! I'll see all of you today in the fish tank, -love, Carol

ITS ME CAROL WRITING THIS

OK...having bloog problems today this morning so I am using Leslie's password..whatever works. right!!! TODAY was pic day up into my arm and over my heart so they can get the drugs into me without having to stick me everytime..and had a Head CT scan again..Polly took me, it was in Carson City..abput 35mins from Reno..it was a piece of cake did not even really feel the needle go in OR the pic , they were so gentle and kind..and CT was nothing, I actulally almost fell asleep...!I like those days!!!! Then in celebration we went to Marshalls and I bougt some new tops for the next 3 weeks..sleeveless..along with the one Jake made his Nana and gave to me yesterday..Polly is now over at the Atlantis finalizing the room for the 31st..she is unreal.and my other saint Kay walked with me up the block to the pond..and she makes me get exercise and make me a fresh juice drink..Don bought me fresh pink Lillies..and the fragrance is stunning! Also thanks Mary,,and I am spo proud of your new position u are such a talented and special person and I love u so much! Sara made us all snadhwiches yesterday and a chicken pot pie for Don..and the Atlantis lets them use a pass for the pool whenever they want..and Jake loves it he keeps saying.."Lets go find kids"!..Dolores nice comments..and of course Leslie...so I am now on my bed (the left side looks like and office I swear) and I am npw wearing my vial with a long chain with my Dad's ashes in it and will not take it off until I have finished with BOOT CAMP..I felt a real closeness with him last night and went right over and put it on..like he was calling me..and he makes me feel god, when awoek in the middle of the night I was clasping it...so maybe that is a good omwn..ok later

NO PUNCHES

BY THE WAY.....THE 31ST IS THE FUNDRAISER..I KEEP FORGETTING TO PUT IT ON THE BLOG..SORRY..

HAD a entire meltdown this morning..as my masectomy surgeon finally called me back on removal of both breasts in a couple months..and he won't do it until the cancer is clean around the margins..therefore putting this in the hands of my holesic healers..and I just broke down and cried my heart off that I am making the right decision on this..it just all hit me like a ton of bricks..I know that I am I am moving forward..but the reality of all it and this alternative treatment is so scary to me..yet I will not do the poison of traditioanl in my body..I called Dr, Bob my Holistic guy later and he called me back,,and talked to me about it..and said there are other surgeons out there,,and please know that this will not be an overnight cure..even trad chemo goes like that..and to look to my higher power right now..and get back to positive thoughts..so Justin is coming later.I just took a walk up to the pond..sat and reflected..life..later

LAKE TAHOE

IT was a beautiful day up there, and we lunched at the "Lone Eagle Grille" a very upscale restaurant with spectacular views of the water and the mountains..we sat outside and the temp..was 75 up there, opposed to 99 down here I had a calamari caesar salad..split of champagne..he he..then a nice orange pekoe tea with honey..stopped at the thrift store could not resist,,got a couple toy cars for Jake ..he collects them and they are precisely lined up on his bed...likes McQueen..from that car movie..bought some books..and a couple nice hang out dresses/nitey/casual corner/polo..now I am home in bed..Radiation still making me a little exhausted..and then Justin and gang will be here tomorrrow..so I am eating grapes and drinking tea..being a good girl! later

SATURDAY!!

OK..Saturday!!!..got all the vitamins, down..juices..feel like a little baby..in the morning..pablum and all...now carrot juice at 10am!! Then Don is driving me to Lake Tahoe where we can sit in the sand on the beach and look at the mountains..and eat some lunch..need fresh mountain air..like it to be the Pacific ocean..but I will take what I get..so talk to u all later..love ya!

BLOG BOOB

POSTED A BIG OLD BLOG TODAY and it crashed,,I was sooo upset..it was about the food I have to eat now..not too too bad..Polly and I hit Whole Foods today..which should only be for the sick and rich..157.00 later,,,fllax seed oil..special teas..etc..it was sickening....Trader Joe's from now on..have the staples now..have to have a glass of saurakraut before breakfast...yummy!! and had to make my own mayo and other kind of spread no more butter..even olive oil.dont unerstand that one..but can have fish and cheese...and whole grain breads..also organic wine..one glass a day..but my desire is gone...perplexing!! me no wine..???? very very very tired today///had to give control to Polly and she made me take a nap while SHE prepared it all!! later

OFFICIAL, LESLIE

HA HA..WHAT does "official" mean Leslie!! yes, yes,, its on..now I am a wreck trying to put all the advertising ( I have help of course)together..before the 31st..but need to get posters. flers..pix taken of me and the band..all the silent auction stuff finalized..newspapres..whew!!!! ,also started the serious juicing/vitiman thing...no more gourmet food..and good n plentys//later

OFFICIAL

OFFICIAL!!! Atlantis Casino will donate their staff..and catering room, dance floor..and an outside silent auction in the hall with another Bar ..if anyone wants to help. and attend..Don's apartment is free..Sharon has a room, and so does Polly..plus I can get a casino rate at the Atlantis.if you choose..and attendance is not necessary..Justin will be here with me..but I have a comfy couch and a big living room floor for an air bed..but like I said..$$$ to get here and I do not expect it..and I don't its just an invite..u all have yr own lives...period...
Had ahi tuna tonight/pasta,avacado..and feta organic salad..and good "n" plenty's..then I start the vitimin/veggie regemin tomorrow so this was my las harah! nite

COMMENT

I manged to get some pix on...FINALLY!! they were taken by Dolores..of me just before Justin shaved my head!! and then Mom putting her foot up not to have her picture taken..haha..got ya!! and Jacob..the next famous artist in our talented family..he;s such a sweet little boy..and my handsome son Justin whom, I look like now!!!

FINALLY PICTURES!!!

Carol and her "girls" (Polly and Sharon)

This picture was taken this May with Carol's camera phone - who says we are computer illiterate? Carol - youre REAL hair color is going to be MAHVELOUS!!!!!

Pictures of Fred

Hi Everyone! This is Sharon - Carol's "feather sister" - Here's a picture of Fred!

- OH - he likes MUD!

ST MARY

IF you see posted by ST. Mary.its me..Carol. don't know how that happen..but its ok with me..

RADIATION FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RADIATION done, finished out of my bald head!! Gave me a "Purple Heart Award" and a card signed by all the doctors, radiologists. wow!!!!! and two free passes to their health spa!!..SHARON and John just stopped by with their dog Rory..and some Chicago polish rye bread..yum..and a virgin Mary picture and charm..shes all around me..and the gardener gave me two of those big old Virgin Mary candles that I'm burning..I look like Frida Kahlo in bed right now..start on mega vitamins tomorrow for my new program..so it begins..but as far as I am concerned...its already gone...more later!

good time girls

...these were taken on Eva's camera a few weeks ago when Eva visited for Liz's 26th birthday (note the princess crown, making me the queen). Don't feel bad Carol....I wasn't with them either. I wouldn't have been able to cut it anyway....They stayed out till the wee wee wee hours.
My girls....
...not having fun at all.

BELLATRIX/LYNN

BELLATRIX..aka Lynn, my only cousin in New Jersey, from my other side of my family I have come to know..she has a daughter Amanda lots of cats and a husband, MIke..she looks a lot like me, and hope to meet her in person soon..she has enlightened me on the dysfunctional family my Mother married into and got out of which saved mine and hers, plus family health history..of breast cancer killing the women..she is cheerful..upbeat, and a riot..so much energy
ALSO,,soon I will have pictures of me as soon as Sharon comes back from Chicago my Kodak Easy share camera has a problem..and I want to share photos of girfriends, Fred and me.I think!
Another thing..I dont want to be the "Blog hog" so post stuff of your own..its not all about cousin Carol! OK!! and thanks Phyllis June for the comments too..

Dr. Wagner is off to Peru today to do his humanitarian work for a month but will be in touch by the blog..love you all..later

TODAY

RADIATION..tomorrow last day..yeah!Had a hour and a half psychology session at the Holistic clinic..and did a little meditating..and he explained the program a lot more to me..and how forms of stress bring cancer on..just came to the realization that I am in the most advanced stage u can get..hello!! ..well..bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I TAKE IT ON!! Had a pedi and manicure at ha ha Walmart..today..being frugal..makes me feel so good..then after ran over to the fish market and bought a lobster tail, scallops. collsal shrimp, and Ahi tuna..got home cooked jasmine rice....sauteed the rest in white wine, onions and peppers, garlic...basil olive oil..and served it on the bed of rice,,I know when I am off the steriods..I will be sane with food again..cuz I am eating rye bread, butter and cream cheese, and yogurt every morning and sharing the crust with Fred..now I am eating "good and plenty's" while I am blogging, I could eat a bowl..Mom and I are the licorice queens.....ok nite everyone!!